Breaking up Is Hard to Do

Dear Marissa:

Help! I broke up with my boyfriend two months ago and I still cannot get over him. Sometimes I'm fine and I don't even think about him, but other times, he's the only thing on my mind. My friends are sick of hearing me talk about him and I don't have anyone else to turn to! I know that I shouldn't want to be with someone who doesn't want to me with me back, but I still feel so sad, hurt and lonely and would give anything to go back in time and be with him again. What should I do??

- Ms. Broken-Hearted

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Dear Ms. Broken-Hearted:

Breaking up is never easy. Whether you are the dump-er or the dump-ee, breaking up plain sucks. It feels something like this: someone is jumping on your chest and you can barely breathe. You feel like you've been punched in the gut. I know, because I've been there. As much as this may not be a consolation to you right now, time truly does heal. I know we all wish we could fast forward our lives three months ahead to the point where time has done the trick, but that would be an incredible disservice to us. You will get through this. After going through the pain, and then the healing, you will undoubtedly be a much stronger person. Every relationship we have is a learning experience (with learning curves along the way). They teach us about ourselves as well as what we are looking for in a mate. Dating is like trying on clothes. Sometimes we have to try on a lot before we find the perfect fit! I know it's even harder if you feel that there was nothing wrong with the relationship and I also know that after a relationship ends we tend to remember only the good times and none of the bad. Here's a little project. Write down all the negative things about him and your relationship. If you have to, post it up on your wall and look at it every day. Another fantastic and fun healing idea is Rostering. Someone close to me originated the concept after going through her own breakup. Create a "roster." Begin dating anyone and everyone and list them all on your roster (this is all for fun). After each date rank them and they will either move up or down the list according to their rank. Eventually people fall off the list, and those worthy enough stay on your list and you continue to date them. Finally you are left with only one man standing. Also, this gives you total authority over your dating life. This is something that us girls often do...we give away all our power! WHY? We are powerful, can make our own decisions and and need to realize that anyone should feel damn lucky to get to date us! So why can't we have the control?? YOU Decide who is worthy enough to go out with you and spend time with you. It's all a matter of a simple attitude change. Rather than feeling like the victim and feeling like this is happening to you, change your mind frame to feel like the strong one and that you are happening to it - you are happening to YOUR LIFE, rather than
your life happening to you. You are the driver in your life, therefore get yourself in the drivers seat. Once you sit in that seat, than YOU direct your life where to go. No one else can direct it for you. Not that stupid ex of yours or any other person in this world. And that is a a great feeling.

Good luck and keep me posted! And always remember: this too shall pass.

Cheers!
Marissa