Surround Yourself with Those Who Lift You Higher

Oprah is an inspirational mastermind. The understanding and empathy she exudes to all humankind is overwhelming. She has the ability to motivate others, push them to be the very best they can, and strive towards their own personal successes - whatever they may be.

Every once in a while I tend to feel extremely negative. I get anxious, moody, irritable, frustrated and don't want to deal with the world around me. Now I know we all feel this way every now and again, but Oprah helped me determine part of the reason why these feelings sometimes suffocate me.

Oprah says, "Surround yourself with only those who lift you higher."

Don't misunderstand me. I am not blaming my moodiness on other people. I know that my thoughts, emotions and actions come wholly from me. But surrounding myself with negative people who sap my energy will not ever do anything for my own state of mind.

Never come into work dressed in a manner that reflects your current position. Always dress one level higher. Well, Oprah is telling us to do the same thing regarding the company we keep. Always surround yourself with people who are more motivated, more successful, seemingly happier, more pleasant, kinder, etc. Those are the folks who will continuously lift YOU higher and keep you actively striving towards your life's enhancement.

I know that when I'm reaching towards something, as opposed to remaining stagnant, my mood ultimately heightens.

Cheers!
Marissa

Get Rid of "Pygmy Thoughts"

Dear Marissa:

Lately nothing makes me happy. I hate my job, I haven't been enjoying going out, and my girlfriend is wonderful but even so, I'm still not happy right now in my relationship. I know it's not her, it's me. I am just in a funk, for no particular reason, and can't seem to get out of it. What do you suggest?

-Depressed

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Dear Depressed:

We all feel down at times. It's ok to feel this way, it's natural. What's not ok is to let yourself wallow in it. As I always like to say, this is your life and you are the master in control of it. Therefore, if there's something going on in your life that you don't like, change it. Of course this is much easier said than done, but in the end you are the only person in control of yourself and your moods. Like I said, it's ok to feel low. It happens to the best of us. In fact, if you are sad, let yourself feel it entirely. Doing this will pull those gloomy feelings up from the depths of your stomach, and then out and away from you. When this happens, let those bad feelings go. Move on. Allow yourself feel good again. Why keep yourself trapped in such misery when happiness is already in the palm of your hands? Shifting your attitude is not as difficult as it seems. In fact, it's a simple decision. Decide to think positive, rather than negative, thoughts. Dr. Alan Cohen ingeniously invented the term "pygmy thought." A pygmy thought is any negative thought you have that consequently leads to another negative thought, and another, and another. The next thing you know, your views of yourself and your world have shrunk and shriveled to be so small and seemingly insignificant, much the same as the formation of a pygmy. Thus the term, pygmy thoughts. Don't let yourself fall victim to such thinking. This is your life, your world. Get out there and enjoy it! And please remember, this too shall pass.

If you feel you are in need of professional help, never hesitate to contact a qualified doctor.

Cheers!
Marissa

You Must Do The Thing You Think You Cannot Do

If it weren't for Eleanor Roosevelt I wouldn't be living in New York City right now.

For that matter, I probably wouldn't have left my home-state of Minnesota for college, switched from my small private school to a large, intimidating public school for high school, or even gone away to overnight summer camp for the very first time!

Although I am much too young to have ever had the great privilege and opportunity of meeting this incredible woman, she has no less made a profound and permanent impact on my life.

By nature, I am a homebody. Home is comfortable, safe, and familiar. Why would anyone ever want to leave such a soothing atmosphere? Especially someone like me, who is so content being at home, surrounded by good friends and family. The answer, as Eleanor Roosevelt so eloquently put it, is the growth we gain from overcoming fear. We cannot reach higher levels of understanding and self-awareness unless we look our fears in the face, and conquer them.

Whatever it is you are afraid of, that is the thing you must do. I was afraid of leaving home, afraid of being independent and desperately afraid of being away from my biggest support system - my family. I could have stayed home and lived this life, fears flawlessy intact until my dying day. But because of Eleanor Roosevelt and the way her motivating words spoke to my soul, I knew what I had to do: the thing I thought I couldn't.

Camp, public school and college were all practice rounds for the main event. And here I am, not merely surviving, but truly LIVING, in New York City.

If I can do it, you can do it too. Face your fears, whatever they may be.

"You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing you think you cannot do." - Eleanor Roosevelt

Cheers!
Marissa

Breaking up Is Hard to Do

Dear Marissa:

Help! I broke up with my boyfriend two months ago and I still cannot get over him. Sometimes I'm fine and I don't even think about him, but other times, he's the only thing on my mind. My friends are sick of hearing me talk about him and I don't have anyone else to turn to! I know that I shouldn't want to be with someone who doesn't want to me with me back, but I still feel so sad, hurt and lonely and would give anything to go back in time and be with him again. What should I do??

- Ms. Broken-Hearted

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Dear Ms. Broken-Hearted:

Breaking up is never easy. Whether you are the dump-er or the dump-ee, breaking up plain sucks. It feels something like this: someone is jumping on your chest and you can barely breathe. You feel like you've been punched in the gut. I know, because I've been there. As much as this may not be a consolation to you right now, time truly does heal. I know we all wish we could fast forward our lives three months ahead to the point where time has done the trick, but that would be an incredible disservice to us. You will get through this. After going through the pain, and then the healing, you will undoubtedly be a much stronger person. Every relationship we have is a learning experience (with learning curves along the way). They teach us about ourselves as well as what we are looking for in a mate. Dating is like trying on clothes. Sometimes we have to try on a lot before we find the perfect fit! I know it's even harder if you feel that there was nothing wrong with the relationship and I also know that after a relationship ends we tend to remember only the good times and none of the bad. Here's a little project. Write down all the negative things about him and your relationship. If you have to, post it up on your wall and look at it every day. Another fantastic and fun healing idea is Rostering. Someone close to me originated the concept after going through her own breakup. Create a "roster." Begin dating anyone and everyone and list them all on your roster (this is all for fun). After each date rank them and they will either move up or down the list according to their rank. Eventually people fall off the list, and those worthy enough stay on your list and you continue to date them. Finally you are left with only one man standing. Also, this gives you total authority over your dating life. This is something that us girls often do...we give away all our power! WHY? We are powerful, can make our own decisions and and need to realize that anyone should feel damn lucky to get to date us! So why can't we have the control?? YOU Decide who is worthy enough to go out with you and spend time with you. It's all a matter of a simple attitude change. Rather than feeling like the victim and feeling like this is happening to you, change your mind frame to feel like the strong one and that you are happening to it - you are happening to YOUR LIFE, rather than
your life happening to you. You are the driver in your life, therefore get yourself in the drivers seat. Once you sit in that seat, than YOU direct your life where to go. No one else can direct it for you. Not that stupid ex of yours or any other person in this world. And that is a a great feeling.

Good luck and keep me posted! And always remember: this too shall pass.

Cheers!
Marissa

Daymaker

"You just made my day!"

I don't know about you, but I utter those words to others constantly. Just yesterday I was having a rough afternoon and a friend of mine e-mailed me an array of photos taken of our girlfriends throughout this past summer. When I received them I said to myself, "she just made my day." Through that simple act, my friend became a daymaker.

What is a daymaker, you ask? David Wagner coined the term in his book entitled "LIFE AS A DAYMAKER: How to Change the World By Making Someone's Day." (http://daymaker.net/)

The beauty of it all is that anyone can be a daymaker. You or I can be a daymaker every single day of our lives if we so choose. It's easy. All you have to do is decide to make someone else's day. Despite what you may think, often times, it doesn't take much to make someone's day. A deed as minor as smiling at another could be enough to brighten their day. And what's more, when you brighten someone else's day, you inevitably brighten your own too. It's a known fact, when we do nice things for others, our own levels of happiness and joy increase as well.

Being a daymaker causes a wonderful ripple effect. When we make someone else's day and their mood elevates, that person's cheerfulness in turn may brighten yet another person's day. Poof! They have become a daymaker without even realizing it! And so on, and so forth, until as Mr. Wagner puts it, you have changed the world by making someone's day! (And the ripple continues....)

If you want to learn more about this brilliant way of living, check out the website listed above. I highly recommend it.

Go ahead, make someone's day!

Cheers!
Marissa

Introduction

Allow me to introduce myself.

My name is Marissa and I like to think of myself as a professional inspirationalist. "Inspirationalist," you say, "that's not even a real world!" Well, you're right. But regardless, I think it still describes me pretty well. Let me explain.

I have a passion (and perhaps even skill) for inspiring others. Whether it be through a simple smile, a tight bear hug, holding the door for a stranger, passing along motivational quotations or offering a helping hand and some good advice in a time of need, creating a sense of ease and joy in other people's lives is what I live for.

I may not have any letters after my name or any framed credentials hanging on my walls, but my advice and my words come directly from my heart and of course, my own personal experiences.

Growing up, whenever I was sad about something or some awful tragedy befell me (boy trauma, frienship woes, school stress, work frustrations), my mom would hug me and say, "this too shall pass."

And now I turn to you and repeat those same words that harrowed me through all those situations:

This too shall pass.

If you are in need of inspiration and advice you can reach me at mariskris@aol.com and I will reply the best I possibly can. Please tell me if it is ok to post your words, along with my response, on this site.

Cheers!
Marissa